William In My Arms
by Oneturtledove
Summary: Scully hears a song. She thinks of William. Post-IWTB


Disclaimer: I can't even think of anything clever to say. I don't own the characters or the song. The End.

Spoilers: Series?

A/N: So I heard this song one day and I fell in love with it. It's really haunting and beautiful at the same time. Anyway, it has always been my song for my nephew, but I think it could really work for Scully too. The song is _In my arms_ by Plumb. You can find it on her myspace. Story takes place sometime after the movie and after the "Easter egg" at the end of the credits. I'm sure people have used this song before, but i had to do it.

* * *

Scully started her car with a sigh and flipped the windshield wipers on. After three weeks in a warm climate, she still wasn't used to the drizzly weather again. They had been back for over a month already. She had been so happy while they were gone, the warmth of the sun making her forget about everything. But now the cold and the rain just made her remember more. _The Darkness_ he had called it, whispering as if saying the name out loud would give it power. Maybe it would. Who knew at this point?

As soon as they had gotten back from their trip, they had moved closer to town. Scully had quit her job at the hospital and joined a small family practice. Mulder was working on getting all of his certifications renewed so he could at least do some part time counseling or consulting. His restlessness both frustrated and amused her.

She pulled the car out of the parking lot and headed for home, flipping through the radio stations until she found one that was playing music instead of debates about the presidential candidates. The song playing almost sounded like a lullaby, but there was something more desperate about it. She listened to the words without really wanting to.

_Your baby blues  
So full of wonder  
Your Curly Que's  
Your contagious smile  
And as I watch  
You start to grow up  
All I can do is hold you tight  
Knowing_

William. He had always looked at her with those huge eyes, as if trying to read her mind. Maybe he had been. His little smile, so elusive. He was always serious, studying. His first smile had been so precious. She'd been changing his diaper, talking to him in silly voices. It was the moment she had said "You look like your daddy," that he had smiled. And she had smiled back and cried a little, wishing that Mulder could have been there to see it. She later discovered that he was ticklish, and blowing a raspberry on his stomach would send him into bouts of laughter that lasted a good five minutes. Sometimes he would lock eyes with her and they would stare at each other for a long time.

Once he had a fever. It wasn't bad and she wasn't worried, but he wouldn't settle down. He just wanted to be held. Monica had come over so Scully could lay down for a while. When she woke up, she found Monica and William in the rocking chair. William was babbling, and Monica was talking back to him like she could actually understand.

"You and John had better get cracking or you're going to loose that mommy touch," Scully said as she sat down on the couch.

"Shut up, Dana," Monica had replied in the sweetest voice she could muster. William had giggled and stuck his thumb in his mouth, a true sign of contentment. He rarely stuck his thumb in his mouth for anyone else.

_  
Clouds will rage in  
Storms will race in  
But you will be safe in my arms  
Rains will pour down  
Waves will crash all around  
But you will be safe in my arms_

They'd had their share of storms and rain. It seemed like every other week, something was going wrong, and he was in danger. He never seemed to be scared of anything. He didn't cry when his mother left him, no matter who she left him with. He'd only out and out cried a few times, all of which had come from true trauma. Her heart broke remembering the sound. She would have given anything to hear that cry again. To hold him and comfort him, nurse him until he fell asleep, forgetting what had made him cry in the first place.

_  
Story books  
Are full of fairy-tales  
Of kings and queens  
And the bluest skies  
My heart is torn just in knowing  
You'll someday see  
The truth for lies_

Sometimes as she rocked him to sleep at night, she would tell him stories. She told him stories of his daddy, how he was a hero. She told him how much she loved both of her men, how she missed Mulder. She didn't bother telling him what she knew about him, what she suspected, or too much of their past. She didn't talk about Emily or cancer or Melissa. She knew he couldn't understand anyway, but he was sensitive to changes in her voice. Talking about anything too sad would upset her and in turn upset him.

_  
Clouds will rage in  
Storms will race in  
But you will be safe in my arms  
Rains will pour down  
Waves will crash all around  
But you will be safe in my arms  
Castles they might crumble  
Dreams may not come true  
Cause you are never all alone  
Cause I will always  
Always love you_

She couldn't be there anymore. When he fell down and cried for his mother, it would not be her that he wanted. When he went to school for the first time, it would not be her that packed his lunch or put him on the bus. When he lost his first tooth, she would not be the tooth fairy. When Christmas and birthdays came, the gifts marked _From Mom_ would not be from her. Someone else had to protect him and love him and nurture him now. Someone else who hopefully loved him just as much as she did. Maybe they would be together again someday. Maybe he'd find her and she could tell him why she did what she did. She could show him all the pictures and videos she had of his early life. She could finally tell him the truth.

But she wouldn't go looking for him. She wouldn't tear him away from the only family he knew. She loved him more than that.

_  
Hey I  
Hey I  
Will love  
Clouds will rage in  
Storms will race in  
But you will be safe in my arms  
Rains will pour down  
Waves will crash all around  
But you will be safe in my arms  
In my arms_

Maybe she couldn't hold him and comfort him for real. But she was willing to believe in a special bond. Wherever he was, she could feel him in her heart, and she hoped that he could feel her too.

She turned the car into the driveway and turned it off. It was time to pull out those pictures and videos and share them with Mulder.


End file.
